Cats, Coupons, and Damian Lewis

2011-07-08T11:50:00.001-05:00

Haven't you heard? I'm moving on. My new blog is Carrie Moving On.

2011-05-18T03:34:00.002-05:00

My husband sent me a text message telling me that he was filing for divorce. I was sleeping, so I didn't receive the message until a few hours after it was sent.

What woke me up from my slumber to find this text message on my phone? A dream.

I dreamed that I was at my Grandparents' house. (I grew up "next door" to them. I put next door in quotation marks because I grew up in the country, and next door was actually a couple of acres in front of their house.) The sun was just coming up in my dream, and I was standing in my Grandparents' front door, a door they rarely had open. I looked outside and saw that Jonathan was at my parents' house getting into a car with another woman. I ran down to him and said, "You are having an affair!" He replied, "Of course I am."

I woke up sweating and shaking. Then I saw the text message.

I know that this dream isn't proof of anything, but the Davis family does have...something.

When my uncle died 50 years ago, my Grandparents awoke to knocking at the end of their bed. When my Grandfather died in 2005, I dreamed that I drove into a blinding white light. Others have their stories too.

It can all mean something. It can all mean nothing.

But what it true is that their has been a death of a marriage. In my life, I have never seen Satan destroy something quite like this before. I'm not shedding any tears tonight. I don't think my parents are either. Something happened to the man I married, but I don't know what it is. I do know that I don't want this new man back.

Tonight I did something that I never pictured myself doing. I thanked God for this hardship. I have changed dramatically since Jonathan left me a little over three months ago. Never have I been this close to God. And if all of this happened just to make myself right with God, well then it is all worth it.

Don't ya think?

2011-04-06T09:37:00.004-05:00

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY

You are sure that this moment is frozen in time somewhere. You know that somewhere in the world it is tangible. It must be an exhibit in a museum.

You are on your knees, nearly prostrate to the floor. As he is shoving things into a duffel bag you are at his feet. You are begging him not to leave. You are begging Him not to let him leave. He looks at you with emptiness on his face: no sign of compassion exists on his face. He only looks at you. He doesn't talk to you. How could this be? He was the most compassionate man you ever knew on this earth, with the exception on your father. You want to scream, but only sobs and wails come from your mouth.

Still on the floor, you huddle in a corner as he continues to gather his things.

You call your best friends. You call your parents. Your dad answers the phone. He can't understand you at first because your sobs cover over the words. But you finally get the words out in a way that he can understand. "He is leaving me." Now two people are sobbing. Then three people are sobbing as your mother hears your father repeat your words. You imagine

that God must be sobbing too.

From then on, the situation becomes a little hazy.

That first night you don't even go to bed, the bed that just the night before the two of you had shared. You just huddle beneath a blanket in your chair, talking and sobbing on the phone with your mother during the night into the morning. Sometimes you can hear your father crying in the background.

Somehow you survive. The arrival of your parents is a gift from God. They cry with you. They pray with you. They get you a hot water tank. They help you find your way around the city. They bring you food. You haven't eaten in two weeks. But eventually they have to leave.

You look at the calendar today and see that it has been two months since he left. You realize that you have said the stupidest things ever in those two months. You realize that you have said the meanest things ever in those two months. You realize that most people have abandoned you. They don't want to get involved. Your friends aren't your friends anymore. People who said that they would do this or that have forgotten about you.

They don't realize that you hurt too. They don't think about how lonely you are, your family and friends being over 600 miles away. They don't know that every night you ask God to take you Home in your sleep.

You understand that you screwed up. You understand that you keep screwing up. You understand that you hurt him. You understand that you hurt Him. You blame yourself for everything. Maybe outwardly you try to blame him, but inside the guilt eats at you.

"Forgiveness", "repentance" all become foreign words to you. But at the same time, it is the first time you have ever really begun to understand them.

Somehow God gives you the strength to carry on. This is the hardest thing that you have ever had to do because you don't know what to do. Song lyrics run through your head.

I can't see how You're leading me

Unless You led me here

Where I'm lost enough to let myself be led

Satan constantly tugs at you. "Run away," he says. But God won't let you run.

You feel every emotion at once. But mainly you feel disappointment. You are disappointed at yourself. You are disappointed because this isn't how it was supposed to be. All of your hopes and dreams have been shattered: there has been a death.

You know that people hate you. The Church is supposed to be a safe haven, a place of no judgement. Yet, The Church is one of the most judgmental groups. "Look at what she did! She drove her husband away!"

It seems that the only people who care are hundreds of miles away. You sit in your car in a church parking lot talking on your cellphone to a pastor who is in a church 650 miles away. He has known you since you were a baby, but it still doesn't seem right that he is the only one willing to talk to you.

Satan keeps telling you to "Run! Run!"

But you stay. You have decided to stay. God has told you to stay. It doesn't seem like He has told you much else. You pray and wait. Oh, He did tell you to read the book of Proverbs.

And so you sit in an empty house with the only sounds being clocks ticking and cats purring. The cat who would never sit in your lap, who would only sit in his, now won't leave your side. It makes you feel sad. You aren't the only one who feels abandoned.

What will you do next? You will crawl into a bed that was made for two people all by yourself. But you will be thankful that God loves you and has forgiven you. You will be thankful that He gave you parents, even if they are over 600 miles away, who love you unconditionally. And they even love him.

And maybe tonight you won't pray for God to take you in your sleep. Instead you will ask Him to carry you. You will ask Him to take over your words. You will ask Him what to do because you don't have the slightest idea what to do.

And you will pray for him. You will pray that hardened hearts will become soft again. You will pray that Satan stays away from both of you. You will pray for love, grace, and mercy.

Because love never fails.

2011-03-16T09:30:00.003-06:00

(Right now this is my favorite song - sorry Rich Mullins. I wish that she had recorded it. This YouTube version of her performance doesn't include the first verse.)

We Want the Same Things (Please Don't Make Me Beg)

Written by Jon Foreman and Amy Grant

I can hear it like a whisper, I can feel it on the street
Please don’t make me beg, please don’t make me beg
And I see it on the face of every stranger that I meets
Please don’t make me beg, please don’t make me beg

When I handed you my heart I thought put that need to bed
Darlin please don’t make me beg, please don’t make me beg
For your time and your attention and the thoughts inside your head
Oh please don’t make me beg, please don’t make me beg

The meeting of our minds, the touching of our skin
We both have different ways, to let each other in

We want the same things, to be loved
We need the same things, to have enough
We want the same things, someone to trust
We need the same things, please don’t make me beg

There’s a man down on the corner, guitar case at his feet
Oh please don’t make me beg, please don’t make me beg
And he’s singing out with gladness, and he’s doing it for for free
Oh please don’t make me beg, please don’t make me beg

Such a simple choice, to share the things we have
He’s got an angel voice, it’s money that he lacks

We want the same things, to be loved
We need the same things, to have enough
We want the same things, someone to trust
We need the same things, please don’t make me beg

Said the Son to the Father, must I drink from this cup
Please don’t make Me beg, please don’t make Me beg
And let My death be the redemption, for every single one
Oh please don’t make Me beg, please don’t make Me beg

That Man changed everything when He was lifted up
Can’t you hear Him say just don’t run from love

We want the same things, to be loved
We need the same things, to have enough
We want the same things, someone to trust
We need the same things, please don’t make me beg

Don’t make me beg

2011-01-26T09:22:00.002-06:00

The title of the message at my Grandma's funeral was "Pauline's House". How appropriate that title was! The sermon, based on Psalm 23 and the first part of John 14, was about Grandmas's Heavenly home - her Father's House. However, those of us who knew her well, those blessed to have been part of her family, could find another meaning to that sermon title.

"Mom, I'm going up to Grandma's house!" (I lived next door, or rather, in front of my Grandparents' house.)

I didn't say that I was going to Grandma and Grandpa's house. No. I was going to Grandma's house. Of course Grandpa would be there too, sitting on the porch if the weather was warm or in his chair if the air outside was cold. But it was GRANDMA'S house.

Before her health started to fail, she took great pride in her house and the things in it and outside of it. She would scrub the kitchen floor on her hands and knees, she made sure the plants in her front window were thriving, she would iron everything, from Grandpa's Sunday shirts and pants to the sheets that went on the mattresses. Outside, the leaves would be raked in the fall. (Her back yard was a mini forest!) In the spring, daffodil, tulip and gladiolus bulbs would be planted. A garden of bell peppers, tomatoes, and cucumbers, or "cukes" as she called them, would be planted as well. During the summer she insisted on mowing the lawn around her house - my Dad's riding mower just wasn't good enough for her house. And I think she had the greenest thumb in the state of Pennsylvania. In the summer, her porch would nearly be overflowing with pink petunias.

The house now belongs to the WLD RANCH, just the way it should be. But it will always be Grandma's house to me.

2011-01-17T17:36:00.002-06:00

I know that it will all hit me - my Grandma's death - when I am back at home tomorrow. I wanted to stay at my parents' house for as long as I could for this very reason. I haven't really grieved yet, but I know that I will. When I am home, I know that her death will somehow become more real. I had no time to prepare myself for her death. I had no chance to say goodbye. I didn't know that the hug I gave to her on Christmas day would be the last hug that I would ever give her. There have been people around me since her death, even if at times it was just my parents, to comfort me, to somehow make me feel like she was still here. When I am back at home, I will have many hours of just me and my cats alone in the house. Thank goodness Jonathan and I gave my Dad a webcam for Christmas so we can Skype.

I have a feeling that many more blog posts will follow.

2010-10-07T09:00:00.003-05:00

A GOD WHO WON'T LET ME GO

If I were to suddenly "leave the Christian faith", I'm sure that non-Christians would shrug their shoulders and say, "Well, what has God ever done for her. The prayer that she and hundreds of others have prayed for her hasn't been answered." I might even find a few Christians who wouldn't really blame me either.

Just in case you don't know, I've suffered from chronic debilitating back pain for ten years. It just started one day when I was twenty-one. (Sorry, I had to throw in the "pain card" somewhere in this blog post.)

But I don't think that God will ever let me go. I may have even tried to leave a few times, and He didn't let me. (And I believe that this has little to do with Calvin and "TULIP".) God can be incredibly stubborn like that.

So why hasn't He let me go?

In those tumultuous preteen and teen years, I didn't do a whole lot of praying. But every night as I was staring at myself in the mirror, washing my face and brushing my teeth, I would pray, "God, don't let me go." As I type those words now, tears come to my eyes. When I was praying those five words half-a-life-ago, I didn't realize just how powerful they were. How powerful they are. I didn't realize just how seriously God took those words.

So now as I sit here typing this, my body racked with pain, I believe that God takes all my prayers just as seriously, even if my prayers are just wordless sobs. Amy Grant sings, "We pour out our miseries/God just hears a melody/Beautiful, the mess we are/The honest cries of breaking hearts/Are better than a Hallelujah." So I know in my heart that I am foolish to think that God has turned a deaf ear to my cries and prayers of, "Heal me."

The truth is have no idea where I'm going. And honestly, I can't even tell you where I've been. I'm a person who has just enough wisdom to tell you that I don't know much of anything. I know God loves me. I know Jesus died for me. I know I need to be more like Him. The other stuff, the "stuffy theology", just doesn't interest me that much. If I learn some of it along the way, well that's a really good thing.

So like everyone else in this world, I'm on a journey. Some people's journey will end in suffering. Mine will end with a beginning that is more glorious than my worldly mind can possibly comprehend.

So while I may feel lost, I know that I've already been found, even if I don't feel it.

And you didn't think I was going to leave you without part of a Rich Mullins song, did you?

I can't see how You're leading me unless You've led me here
Where I'm lost enough to let myself be led
And so You've been here all along I guess
It's just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get

2010-09-30T09:30:00.002-05:00

an excellent interview with an excellent author who wrote an excellent book

an interview on the the 700 Club with Anne Jackson who wrote PERMISSION TO SPEAK FREELY

2010-09-16T20:14:00.001-05:00

"God spoke to Balaam through his ass, and He's been speaking through asses since then."

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.9

Once there was a time when...

2010-09-16T08:53:00.001-05:00

Once there was a time when I actually had things to say. But now all my observations are about pain. And I'm tired of talking about pain.

Once there was a time when I was actually smart. Or at least teachers and professors told me that I was smart. But perhaps I was just a slightly better studier and test taker than those around me.

Once there was a time that I could actually write. Well, the head of the English department at my university had me convinced that I could write. But maybe he was just desperate to increase the number of English majors.

And now I can't write a sentence without starting it with the big no-no "there". Well, that's if I can write a sentence at all.

Maybe someday again soon I will have a deep thought and be about to put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard). Some day soon...

2010-05-18T11:39:00.003-05:00

On April 29th, my "Cousin Russell" (really my Dad's first cousin) died. He died three months short of the fifth anniversary of my Grandfather's death.

It's hard to put into words what he was to me. Saying he was my Dad's cousin doesn't sound like much. It doesn't sound like enough. So even though he moved to Erie in the early '90s, and I remember many Christmas parties and "city wiener roasts" at his home in Erie, he will always be my "Cousin Russell (a long Southern pause) from Mississippi".

He lived quite a life. Perhaps the most telling thing about him in his obituary is that "he was a natural storyteller".

Clyde Russell Davis, 82, was born in Erie, Pa., May 15, 1927 and died Thursday, April 29, 2010. He is preceded in death by his parents, Clyde M. Davis and Alice Harris Davis; and by his brother, Roger L. Davis (Barbara Hartleb Webster); and his sister, Phyllis Hevner (Raymond). He is survived by his wife of 56 years, Shirley M. Kuns Davis; his daughters, Jane Davis and Sarah Templeton (Alexander); three grandchildren, Alice Christensen, Lloyd Christensen, and Bryn Templeton; his sister, Carol Stubbe (Earl Clinton); and his brother, Stanley R. Davis (Laurie). Clyde graduated from Academy High School, enlisted in the U.S. Navy in World War II and graduated with distinction from the University of Arizona, School of Mines. He worked as a Petroleum Engineer for Shell Oil in California, Wyoming, Montana, and Texas. He worked overseas for ARAMCO (The Arabian American Oil Company) in Saudi Arabia, and for Conoco and British Petroleum in the North Sea in the United Kingdom. He returned to the United States and worked in Mississippi as the State Oil and Gas Board Supervisor and later as the head of an environmental group, Mississippi Pumping Corp. In 1991 he retired and moved back to his home town, Erie, Pa. He was a natural storyteller and a lifelong lover of nature, especially the Pennsylvania woods. He leaves behind many friends from all the places he lived. We miss him and love him so much. He leaves us with many wonderful memories. Burial will be private with the memorial to be held at a later date. Gifts in his name may be sent to the nonprofit, Great Lakes Hospice, 1700 Peach St., Suite 244, Erie, PA 16501-2134. Funeral services will be provided by Burton Funeral Homes, 602 W. 10th St., Erie, PA 16502
Published in the Erie Times-News on May 8, 2010

2010-05-18T11:10:00.003-05:00

It's hard for me to fathom that as of yesterday we have lived in our "new" house for a month. (I put "new" in quotation marks because the house is actually quite old, being built in 1931.)

There's still boxes of stuff sitting around, although we try to hide them. Some stuff we don't know where to put, some stuff really should be thrown away, and some stuff we just don't want to deal with.

But "stuff" really isn't what I want this post to be about.

This house is 79 years old. A lot of life has been lived in this house. Jonathan thinks I'm odd for thinking about all that this house has seen. With my back problems, I spend a lot of time alone, thinking.

Were the people who built the house relatively wealthy considering it was built at the beginning of the Great Depression? Did a mother sit on the front porch waiting for her son to come home from war? Did she see him walk up the street, or did she refuse to open the door when the telegram came?

Was there a war inside of the house about getting a t.v.? Did Mom and Pop have to give in when they saw that the preacher had a t.v. in his house? (Something like that happened with my Dad and his parents.)

Well, here's something that I'll admit goes on in this house: sometimes I'll listen to Amy Grant's IF THESE WALLS COULD SPEAK and think about all the life that has been lived here. I do wonder what these walls would say. And someday after Jonathan and I no longer live here, I wonder what they will have to about us.

2010-03-31T16:19:00.005-06:00

I finally got a scanner! It certainly isn't the best, it's a Canon LIDE 100, but it is wonderful to me. Again I make another leap into the geeky tech world!

So here are just two pictures I found sitting around, and I thought that I would share them with you. One is of my Mom and I at my bridal shower in early June 2000, and the other is of my Grandpa Davis feeding ice cream to a bear in Kane, Pennsylvania just a few months before I was born in the summer of 1979. I'm assuming you can tell which is which!

2010-03-30T12:39:00.006-06:00

I know that people aren't fond of reading song lyrics or listening to songs from You Tube on blogs. But here I've posted both.

It is a song from Amy Grant's album that was just released today. (I can hear the groans, "Ugh, Amy Grant.") But there is a very real reason that I've posted it.

Sometimes we have feelings inside of us that we have no idea how to express. We have no idea how to put them into words. And then a song lyric comes along, and we say, "That's how I feel. That's what I've been trying in vain to say."

This is what Amy Grant has to say about the song:

“I included this 1996 recording because it is so raw and was so true at the time.
Pain isolates us. Nobody knows when you’re smiling on the outside and dying on
the inside: except the one who stands at the door and knocks.”

So here I post the lyrics to "Come Into My World", along with a video of Amy Grant singing the song. I hope that you put aside any dislike you have for Amy Grant or her music, and give the lyrics some thought, if for no other reason because the song made me cry and say "Yeah...."

Come into my world • Come crashing through the ceiling • And
find the messy rooms, the scattered pearls • If you are brave then
come into my world

Come into my world • So lovely from the outside • So dark in here
the demons dance and twirl • And find their pleasure frightening
this girl • If you are brave then come into my world

Cause I never saw the changes come • Or knew enough to run
when this old house had come undone • And now I’m buried in
the walls • And no one comes to call but you

Come into my world • Come into my world

Come into my world • I can not find the doorway • It’s overgrown
with vines that twist and curl • If you are brave then
come into my world

Come into my world • There’ll be no other invitation • Not
another sound another word • Nothing more than you’ve already
heard • Please be brave and come into my world

2010-03-14T16:14:00.002-06:00

At Jonathan's birthday party, a child came and asked, "When are we going to open presents?" Jonathan had to explain that when you get "old", you don't really get "presents", you just get very funny cards reminding you how old you are. It's a rather long video, and something goes a little wonky in the middle: the audio and video don't match. But that seems appropriate for Jonathan's birthday, don't you think? This is really posted for close family who, *gasp*, don't have Facebook accounts.

2010-03-09T13:35:00.002-06:00

It is hard for me to comprehend that my mother-in-law has been gone from this earth longer than I actually knew her. It's also odd that just in the past few months I have started to really miss her, much more than in the past. Today is her birthday. That is what started the thoughts going.

Just as I finished the above thought, a friend called me. I think I will now start calling her my mother-in-law on earth, even though she isn't that much older than I. For over an hour I rambled about various things, but really they all did have a connection. Of course I talked about Mom B. But I also talked about how hard this past Christmas in Pennsylvania was for me. I talked about how hard it was to really see my parents aging. But what was really hard was looking out my parents' back country windows and knowing that my Grandparents' house wasn't theirs anymore. My Grandfather passed away in 2005, and last spring my Grandmother went to a nursing home. Their home is where all my childhood memories are rooted: Christmases, Thanksgivings, Easters, Fourth of Julys, birthdays. So looking out that back window at Christmas hurt, knowing that someone else was living there, knowing that no more memories would be made there.

It seems that things that didn't really phase me in the past are now smacking me in the face. Just suddenly I have realized that everything in my life is changing. My friend told me that this is God's way of weaning me from this earth. And that completely makes sense. I'm thinking about Mom B because I'm thinking about where I am going next. God is hitting me with all these changes because I need to really see that all this stuff on earth is just temporary. God is starting to wean me from all this earthly stuff because I need to focus on where I am going next, where I will be forever.

So wean away God, however much it hurts me now because I know that You are doing it because You love me.

The last picture of me (a cell phone picture I took of myself to send to Jonathan because he was still in Illinois) in my Grandparents' house. When I took it, I had no idea what it would mean to me later, sitting in the creaking rocking chair with the "hallway" and bathroom behind me.

2010-02-25T12:04:00.001-06:00

2010-02-25T12:01:00.002-06:00

Yep, people it looks like we are really buying a house. The house is on a street named Eleanor, which is totally appropriate because that is the name of one of Jonathan's Grandmothers. The home inspection is next Tuesday, March 2nd. Quite frankly, home inspections terrify me. Perhaps I have watched too much HGTV? The closing date is April 1st. And, yes, I know that is April Fools' Day. What am I most nervous about? Finding out how much that precious cashier's check will have to be for closing.

Good Mews, err... News

2010-02-17T15:46:00.001-06:00

For Christmas my Mom gave me a book called GOOD MEWS…INSPURRRATIONAL STORIES FOR CAT LOVERS. Despite it being right next to my special "back chair", I haven't really read it all that much. Then today I opened it up to a page that had this prayer and verse:

Thank you, Father, for responding to my needs and not reacting to my expediency. Thank you for sticking to Your plan in spite of my doubts and protests. Your timing is always perfect. Amen.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time."
Ecclesiastes 3:11

I've been through a lot, wondering why God hasn't healed my back. It would take just one nod, one word from Him, and I would be healed. And now we have to quickly find a house and move, when some days it is hard for me to get out of bed (or my chair). But I know that it is all in God's control. If for some reason He doesn't snap His fingers and make my prayers come to be, it is for my own good: He has something much better for me.

Amen again.

Was It Good or Bad?

2010-01-23T19:00:00.001-06:00

So this week I got a Motorola Droid (a cell phone/mini computer for those who don't know what that is). I have wanted one since I heard about it. My Mom also had surgery this week that turned out to be much more major than first thought. She is doing well, but still my mind has been all over the place this week. Before her surgery on Tuesday, I prayed rather matter-of-factly, "God, You know I can't loose my Mom right now." I wouldn't order the phone until my Mom was out of surgery. I was imagining how much I would hate the Droid if something bad happened.

So I guess the week was neither bad nor good - it just was somewhere in between. I guess that's how all weeks are really, at least while we are on this sinful earth.

2010-01-19T16:18:00.001-06:00

Apparently the Twitter Updater on the sidebar was broken! I hope that anyone who saw those tweets knew that they weren't mine!

2009-10-05T09:49:00.003-05:00

So this is what I wrote in my journal this morning, the morning of my thirtieth birthday. It's pretty much word-for-word, I've just cleaned up some of the grammar. So I guess that you get a peek into my head today.

Today is my 30th birthday.

There is so much I could say about what happened/is happening in my life right now, but I won't [say those things]. Maybe I was hoping that I would wake up today, after three decades on this planet, and my back would be healed. Instead, it's worse than it has been. Yet, I have been here for thirty years, something that doesn't happen to everyone, like my Uncle [Wayne who died when he wasn't even 21 yet]. No, my story isn't done yet. No one knows what God has planned for them tomorrow, but I just have a feeling that I'm going to be around for awhile [more].

I remember a story I heard about Rich Mullins [a famous Christian singer-songwriter-musician] after his death. (He died in a Peoria, Illinois hospital, by the way.) He was talking to his sister (I think) on the phone and said something to the effect that he really wanted to go h(H)ome or that he felt that is was time that he went h(H)ome. She replied that he was almost done with his tour and that he would be home soon - what was he talking about? It wasn't until his accident on I-74 that she understood. [I certainly don't believe that] his call was a "suicide note"..., just a knowing that God put in his heart, just as I have a knowing that I will be around for awhile more.

2009-08-19T11:50:00.004-05:00

Okay, okay. I haven't been very good about my ten minutes a day of blogging. But something very exciting has happened in my life: I got a new chair.

No, I'm not excited because it's pretty; it's kind of ugly actually. I'm excited because it is the Human Touch Perfect Chair Zero Gravity Recliner. Supposedly it's the best chair a person can buy with severe back problems, and so far I've been pretty darn comfortable in it. The problem is, the past two days I've been spending too much time in it (as in hours and hours and hours) and too much time in any one spot equals sore, tight muscles.

Jonathan and I went to The Back Store on Saturday, and I found it. It was the same store where we bought our mattress a few years ago, and the guy remembered us (not by name either). I wanted to ask why, but I didn't. I'm guessing that mainly "old" people come into the store with backs as bad as mine. He probably remembered me because he felt sorry for me.

As we were the only ones in the store (it was a Saturday afternoon near closing time), he agreed to sell us the electrical version for the price of the manual version. Once again, maybe it was because he felt sorry for me because he could see that it hurt my back to make the manual one recline.

But as it wasn't pocket change, we had to go home and figure out how to pay for it. God graciously provided financial assistance through His children, and on Monday morning, Jonathan went back to the store, and by 2:30 Monday afternoon I had my chair!

Oh, and on Saturday Jonathan did buy me a kick-butt moist heating pad for me that pulls moisture right out of the air and covers my whole back. The salesman didn't give me a deal on it, but that's okay as I was tired of buying the cheap-o $25 ones as Walgreens every few months. If this one lasts me two years, I will have saved money.

Now the only problem is that I have to fight Percy for the chair....

2009-08-14T16:58:00.003-05:00

Am I ever going to write a new post? I promise I will. I actually have a lot to say, a lot of emotions that I think would be good for me to "get out there". But yesterday I had a major back cracking session with my doctor and two nerve blocks (yes, they involve very long needles), one of them in my shoulder. So my typing is about done for the day. But I thought that maybe if I get this far and then blog just ten minutes a day, I'll let you know all that's been going on in my life and my head in the past two months. (They kind of all go together.)

So here is the start to my new daily (gulp) blogging. I might have to skip a day here and there (probably more "here" than "there"), and stop in the middle of thoughts because ten minutes is my typing limit. But I will try my best.

So if I don't keep up with my promise, all two of you who read my blog need to nag me.

To entertain you, I'll post a video of my brother Mark singing a song he used to sing when he was little to help him get out of bed and into the shower in the morning.

2009-04-17T16:55:00.003-05:00

If Jonathan and I had been married 50 years ago...

The real couple (my parents) who were married 50 years ago...

2008-12-09T09:24:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow I am flying to Erie, and I am very nervous. At this point I think that we all know that my back is "bad", but it has been much worse that normal for the past month. Jonathan insists that physical therapy and trigger point injections are helping, and maybe they will in the long run. I just don't feel it. Thankfully, my family doctor has had mercy on me, and she has given me prescriptions for super strong pain killers for when things get really bad. Knowing that the trip is going to make things worse, Jonathan picked up a prescription at the doctor's office this morning. (These are the kind of pain killers that require a written prescription.) Unfortunately, he hasn't been able to get the actual pills yet. Our normal Walgreens doesn't carry them. Our back-up Walgreens is out of them. So he has to go to a very out-of-the-way Walgreens to get them. And, oh yah, he has to go to work too. I think that he is looking forward to a little break from taking care of me. That and finally being able to have heat in the bedroom at night.

So I am a ball of nerves right now. I'm sure that there will be a snow or ice storm somewhere that will land me stranded in Detroit. (I fly from Peoria to Detroit to Erie.) I'm so nervous about getting there that I haven't even thought about actually being there. "There" being my parents' cozy little house that I grew up in.

So I'm praying the my back won't give me grief. I'm praying that I'll make it to Erie in one piece right on schedule. Feel free to pray too.

2008-10-31T22:34:00.001-06:00

All that we call human history - money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery - [is] the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy.

From Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis

2008-10-15T09:39:00.002-05:00

I don't want you to think that I'm dead, so here I am finally writing a blog post.

I can't believe that we are half way through October already. I turned 29 this month. Time is just going so fast. We are closer to 2009 than we are to 2007, and for some reason that scares me.

Today is the quintessential fall day. The sky is cloudy, giving us a constant drizzle of rain. The leaves are starting to turn yellow and orange, and some of them are even falling. I've been waiting for the perfect day to burn my Yankee "Fall Festival" candle, and I think that today is the day.

2008-09-24T20:51:00.001-05:00

Psalm 6

O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.

Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.

My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?

Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.

No one remembers you when he is dead.
Who praises you from the grave?

I am worn out from groaning;
all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.

My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
they fail because of all my foes.

Away from me, all you who do evil,
for the LORD has heard my weeping.

The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts my prayer.

All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed;
they will turn back in sudden disgrace.

2008-07-27T00:48:00.015-05:00

I added a presidential election poll to my blog on the right side. Please take a moment and vote. If you choose "other", please leave a comment on this post telling which candidate you are supporting.

(Obama, Baldwin, Barr, McCain, McKinney, Nader)

Candidates' Campaign Websites:

http://www.barackobama.com/
http://www.baldwin2008.com
http://www.bobbarr2008.com/
http://www.johnmccain.com/
https://mckinney2008.com/PRESIDENT/index.php
http://www.votenader.org

I also found the website Project Vote Smart helpful.

2008-06-21T16:15:00.003-05:00

Well, I guess that it's about time that I write a new blog post! I am happy to say that, for the moment, things are looking up for me (and this beautiful weather helps things too). At the end of April, I saw a new doctor. I had been waiting to see him for over two months. For some reason, I had a really good feeing about him, and my feelings were right. He's the first doctor who has actually done something to help my back. Most doctors just completely ignore me when I tell them that most of my pain is from muscle spasms. I just assumed that there was nothing that could be done to help relieve the pain other than medication that doesn't work all that well for me because I've been taking it for years. So I was quite shocked when this doctor felt my back, felt the knots and spasms in my back, and told me that he could possibly do something about it. He finds what he calls "trigger points" in my back, and injects them with medication that reduces inflammation, which should promote healing of the muscle. Apparently not many doctors do these types of injections, and he is the only one who does them in the Peoria area.

So far I've seen him five times and have had 12 shots. They are helping quite a bit, but I still have quite a bit of pain. I've been able to be a bit more active, but what that means to you and what it means to me are probably two different things. "Active" to me means being able to take two showers a week and being able to walk around Wal-Mart one a week. So obviously trying to get back to "normal" is going to take a long time - two steps forward, one step back as they say.

Right now I am preparing for a trip to Erie. I'm flying out of Peoria this Thursday instead of Chicago. I think it will be easier for my back but not for the wallet. (The ticket cost four times what I paid for a ticket from Chicago in December.) I'm really looking forward to this "summer vacation" after an absolutely horrible winter. I'll be there until July 12th, so I really hope that my back cooperates.

So I guess that you are pretty much up to date now. Talk to you again in another two and a half months :-)

2008-04-10T19:29:00.002-05:00

My parents left today after being here for six days. I actually left the house twice while they were here! When they got here on the 4th, I was actually wearing real clothes (as opposed to pajamas) and make up. They were quite surprised. So we took a little trip to Wal-Mart. I stayed home over the weekend. Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling well enough to go to church with my parents. On Monday I had a doctor's appointment (uneventful), and on Tuesday I was feeling well enough to go to Target and to Office Max to pick out a chair for my new "office". On Wednesday my Mom and I worked on cleaning and organizing the room that I have labeled my office. (All that is missing is my new Dell laptop that won't be here until the end of the month.)

My mom and I watched three movies - License to Wed, August Rush, and No Reservations. They were all entertaining. My dad stayed busy doing odd jobs around the house and taking care of our cars. My mom kept busy cooking and even made two lasagnas to put in the freezer.

We had a good visit, and I hope I am well enough to visit them this summer!

2008-04-03T19:32:00.002-06:00

I know that I haven't posted anything in a long while. Well, that's because life has been pretty crappy for me. You already know about Merlin. While dealing with that emotional pain, I've been dealing with extreme physical pain. At the beginning of February, I fell. It didn't affect my back right away, but a week of two later, the extreme pain started. So I started the "doctor circle". I call it that because I see a doctor who tells me that he can't help me so I should go to another doctor who won't be able to help me, and around I go until I end up right where I started with my family doctor. However, last Friday evening, the pain did let up a little. Today I managed to take a normal shower! Good timing since my parents are coming for a visit. I have a long to-do list for them. And I'm looking forward to my Mom's cooking!

Goodbye Merlin

2008-02-13T13:27:00.001-06:00

2008-02-12T12:22:00.000-06:00

There is so much that I want to say, to tell you about Merlin, but I can't do it just yet. Remembering still hurts too much.

So for now, I'll just post a silly picture of Merlin from back in August when he got a hair cut.

2008-02-11T17:40:00.000-06:00

Merlin
February 2001 - February 2008

2008-01-02T22:29:00.000-06:00

December went by in a flash. I have to admit that it wasn't the best of months. I my mom had surgery and radiation treatments for breast cancer and Merlin was diagnosed with heart disease and probably won't live much longer.

But the month had its highlights too. Just the fact that I made it to Erie was a miracle considering how much back pain I was having in the weeks before I flew to Pennsylvania.

Anyway, I thought that I would share a few lovely (and not so lovely) Christmas pictures with y'all.

He will always be my baby...

2007-12-11T21:40:00.001-06:00

2007-12-07T21:32:00.000-06:00

I guess that it is time for a new post from me. I wish that I only had good new, but it don't.

Today Jonathan took Merlin to the vet. He's done some odd things recently, and we thought that we should get it checked out just to be safe. The news was what we feared : it's his heart. He had fluid in his lungs and x-rays show a diseased heart and lungs. At one point at the doctor's office he started having trouble breathing. But he is home now in familiar surroundings. We have three medications that we have to give to him daily. He really doesn't like pills, so I have no idea how this will work out. And, of course, tomorrow I'm leaving for Erie so Jonathan will be all on his own. We decided that at Christmas time (when Jonathan will make a shortened trip to Erie), Merlin will just have to be without his medicine for three days. We figure that's better than having strangers come to the house or taking him to a strange place.

Now on to the good new. On Tuesday, my Mom found out that she has breast cancer. Today she had a lumpectomy. The surgeon found that the cancer has not spread and she was able to remove it all. My Mom was able to come home from the hospital today.

I should feel a great sense of relief, but all I feel is worry. Merlin is one of my children. I'm responsible for him. I guess that when you bring someone that you love into your life, you always have to be aware that they can leave you. I just always thought that Merlin wouldn't leave me for a long while.

2007-11-01T08:09:00.000-06:00

What's this? It's November 1st? No, no, no! I'm not ready for November yet. I need a re-do of October. I didn't feel well for the whole month of October. How crappy did I feel? I didn't leave the house once. You heard right. I'm not going to lie and say that depression didn't play a part in that, but really for the most part, I just didn't feel well. But yesterday I felt a new burst of energy in my body and mind. So I took a shower. Now I know that's something most people do everyday, but when I'm just home I don't because it hurts my back too much. (I do shower, just not everyday.) After my shower and after my hair had dried, I promptly took a nap. Now, you are probably asking how this fits in with my new burst of energy. Well, for the past few nights I've felt so crappy that I haven't been sleeping well. There was even one night when I didn't sleep at all. I mean my eyes were open the whole night, literally. I think I finally fell asleep around 10AM that day. But that's all in the past.

Jonathan has been so busy at work (well, he always works hard - I'm talking here about the kind of busy where you don't have time to pee), so he decided that he could use a day off and that we could use a day just to spend together. I haven't had my birthday meal or movie yet, so that is the plan for tomorrow (Friday). We are going to see We Own the Night. It's not really my type of movie (more Jonathan's) but it has two of my favorite actors in it: Joaquin Phoenix and Mark Wahlberg (I'll see anything that he's in!). And then we will have dinner at LongHorn Steakhouse where I will get a 7 ounce Flo's Filet, medium. And maybe, if Jonathan is feeling generous, he'll let me try a Cider Margarita.

So let's all pray for me to be feeling well tomorrow. I really need a day out of the house, and Jonathan and I really need a day to reconnect.

2007-10-17T16:13:00.000-05:00

Wow! Time is really flying by. We are more than half way through October already. How did that happen?

On October 5th, I turned 28. (Does that mean that next year will be my "last" birthday?) The best birthday present that I received was a visit from my parents. They were here for a week. Unfortunately, I was miserable with a migraine nearly every day that they were here, so we didn't do anything. However, it was very nice to be able to just visit with them, and I really enjoyed my mom's cooking! (I forgot how much I like Swedish Stew.)

While they were here, I purchased my plane ticket for my semi-annual trip to Erie. December 8th is the day, and it will be here before I know it. I'm still recovering from my trip this summer. Oh my. I sound like an old person.

I'm so glad that we are finally having weather that is appropriate for fall. I really love putting on a sweater and having a cold nose. It was hot while my parents were here. I had the AC turned on. But the day that they left, it turned wonderfully chilly - I could wear the sweater that I got for my birthday.

So, that's about it. I know that it's not much, but it's all that I've got!

2007-09-24T13:45:00.000-05:00

Wednesday is the day! Damian Lewis' new show Life will premiere on NBC at 10/9c. I'm so excited! Of course, due to my mad internet skills, I've already seen the pilot episode, and I can tell you that it's wonderful. Damian's character is extremely quirky (watch out for the fruit, especially the mushy pear), and who doesn't love a quirky cop? So I expect all of you to tune in on Wednesday!

2007-09-19T01:15:00.001-05:00

Well, it's 1:15 in the morning, and I can't sleep because I'm hurting. I really can't complain though as I had somewhat of a "normal person" day.

I woke up this morning feeling bored, yet un-energetic. I was just about to give into my un-energetic-ness and crawl back into bed and read The Lost Life of Eva Braun when I dragged myself into the shower.

The shower seemed to cure my un-energetic-ness because by 3:30 (that would be PM) I was driving my minivan listening to the brand spanking new James Blunt album.

My first stop was Wendy's for lupper (that would be a late lunch/early supper). There were some interesting people there, both employees and patrons. Perhaps you haven't noticed, but Wendy's graciously hires mentally ill and handicapped people to clean the dining room. (My brother sooooooooooooooo knows what I am talking about.) The next time you are at Wendy's take a look around, but you may not want to make eye contact. (Just trust me. I worked at a mental health clinic for two years.)

I then went to Target where I purchased a charcoal grey hoodie for Jonathan and a pair of birthday shoes for myself. ("Birthday shoes" being shoes that will be a birthday present from Jonathan.)

From the Target parking lot, I called Jonathan on my new cell phone (I used the speaker phone, of course), and he suggested that I pick him up from work because I was so close to Samaritan and because Rob drove the carpool today.

So I drove to Samaritan (the second time in less than a week - crazy, crazy considering I hadn't been there since March), and I saw Jonathan's office for the first time (conveniently located by the kitchen and bathroom).

While at Samaritan, I noticed the sad state of Jonathan's jeans, so on the way home we stopped by Old Navy buy a new pair (they were on sale - only $20.00).

I was home for only a little over an hour when, despite my already exhausting day, I decided to go to Wal-Mart. At Wal-Mart, I purchased a little of this and a little of that which turned into a not-so-little $40.00. I also chatted with a friendly cashier (who unfortunately had bad teeth) about the disappearance of three-year-old Madeleine McCann.

I came home and watched some tv before attempting to go to sleep. It didn't take long for me to get up again as the day really messed with my back.

And, so, here I am, telling you about my day. Yes, I'm in a lot pain, but I sorta lived like a normal person today. I guess that makes the pain a little less unbearable. (I may change my mind tomorrow about that.)

2007-09-16T11:45:00.000-05:00

I realized that it has been some time since I've written an in depth blog entry about my life. Yesterday I realized why. My friend Megan called. I was quite impressed that we had a 50 minute conversation with no lulls. But when she asked me what was new in my life, all I could come up with is that Jonathan and I bought a new mattress (a $3000 latex mattress that the cats are in love with, by the way). She had lots of exciting things to tell me about, like a trip to Cabo San Lucas. But me? A mattress was all I had to talk about. (Okay, I talked about a few other things too.) But how sad is that? I haven't talked to Megan for almost three months, and the only thing new in my life is a mattress. So I guess that kind of explains why my blog posts have been scant.

So it seems that now you have been brought up to date about my life: I'm sleeping on $3000.

2007-09-03T21:08:00.000-05:00

As Labor Day comes to an end, I feel a certain kind of sadness. We didn't do anything to celebrate the day. This morning, I got Jonathan all packed for a trip to Chicago only for him to get a call from his boss to tell him that he wouldn't be going after all. (I'm so glad I didn't bother to iron anything!)

I did have a rather busy weekend. (Remember that my definition of busy is much different than the average person's.) On Saturday we went to the "out door mall" to buy some clothes at Old Navy for Jonathan's non-trip. We also got there at the perfect time to see a big/wild rescued cat show. (You know, stupid people think they want a tiger for a pet, and these people step in and rescue the cat when it gets too big to be a pet.) And on Sunday I made it to church! To celebrate (my making it to church) we went out to lunch with the Langes.

Getting back to the sadness thing - for years, the end of Labor Day meant the end of the summer and going back to school. I don't think that it will ever mean anything different for me. The end of things are always sad for me.

Okay, I'm getting too tired to type. I've been suffering from a migraine today, and the medicine does weird things to me.

2007-08-23T11:02:00.000-05:00

When I was growing up, hearing the name "Billy Graham" always struck me with a feeling of awe. He was someone special to my Grandfather. Mr. Graham was told that at most he could be a poor country preacher somewhere out in the sticks. Well, my Grandfather never really made it out of the sticks, but Billy Graham did. He was an inspiration to Grandpa, a reminder that there was still a place in this world for old men. I remember curling up in front of the tv in the evening and watching the Billy Graham Crusades. Seeing all of those people gathered together to hear one man speak was quite something for a child like me to see.

But this blog post isn't about Billy Graham, but rather about his wife Ruth Bell who died just this past June 14th. I can't say that I really paid much attention to her while she was alive. But upon reading her obituary, I realized what a remarkable woman she was and certainly not without humor!

The Billy Graham Association has been offering a commemorative book of some her poetry called Sitting by My Laughing Fire. I just received my copy yesterday, and I have fallen in love with her words. She certainly will not go down in history as one of the great poets, but I think that her poems will touch the hearts of wives and mothers, people who understand those creative moments that come at three in the morning when one can't sleep because of a crying child or perhaps a snoring husband. She says, "I wrote because, at times, I had to. It was write, or develop an ulcer - or forget. I chose to write. At time I even wrote for sheer fun."

So I encourage you to order a book (free of charge) by clicking here, and then make a donation if you like it (and I'm sure that you will).

I've only read about half of the book, but here is one of my favorite poems so far.

And when I die
I hope my soul ascends
slowly, so that I
may watch the earth receding
out of sight,
its vastness growing smaller
as I rise,
savoring its recession
with delight.
Anticipating joy
is itself a joy.
And joy unspeakable
and full of glory
needs more
than "in the twinkling of an eye,"
more than "in a moment."
Lord, who am I
to disagree?
It's only we
have much
to leave behind;
so much...Before.
These moments
of transition
will, for me, be
time
to adore.

One of My Favorite Shows

2007-08-19T13:57:00.001-05:00

2007-08-09T05:13:00.000-05:00

On Wednesday, for the first time in recorded history, a tornado was reported in Brooklyn, New York. (Oh the things you learn when you watch Fox News at five in the morning.)

Why do I find this interesting? Well, I'm just a bit obsessed with tornadoes now that I live here in tornado country.

How I'm Feeling (Can Change Daily)

2007-08-07T06:33:00.001-05:00

2007-08-04T19:59:00.000-05:00

I'm one of those (weird) people who like to think about what I was doing a week ago, a month ago, a year ago. It's hard to believe that one month ago today was Independence Day. I was in Erie then. We didn't do anything all that special. Just me, Jonathan, Mark, Mom, and Dad celebrated the holiday at my parents' house. (My Grandmother was in North Carolina with my aunt and uncle.) We had a very nice "lupper" of pork chops and corn-on-the-cob.

So I thought that today would be an appropriate day to post some pictures from the Fourth-of-July.

2007-07-12T21:18:00.000-05:00

During my trip to Erie, I made a lot of memories. But perhaps the most exciting moment of my trip was when I saw my friend Megan.

She was one of my best friends all through middle and high school. She was the bridesmaid at my wedding in 2000. But time does funny things.

After my wedding, we kind of lost contact and didn't really see each other again until our friend Meghan got married in 2003, and we were both in her wedding. At that point, I was determined to keep in contact with her, but I didn't.

So years passed without talking to her. But then a few months ago, out of the blue, she called me. We talked for well over an hour, and I promised that we would get together when I was in Erie.

So while in Erie, I convinced her to ditch work a half hour early on a Friday to see a matinée of Evening at Tinseltown. As I sat in the theater waiting for her, I was giddy with excitement. And then she walked in, looking just like I remembered her.

We went to T.G.I.Friday's for dinner. We talked and talked, just like time had never separated us.

Then we did a little shopping. We had to take advantage of the Victoria's Secret sale. We made such a good team. First she helped me look for XL underwear and then I helped her look for XS underwear - kind of humorous if you think about it.

I took this picture as I dropped her off at her car. I had meant to take pictures earlier, but instead I snapped this one just before she opened the car door.

I drove away feeling happy, knowing that even though time has changed us, we are still friends.

2007-07-12T09:20:00.001-05:00

2007-07-10T15:46:00.001-05:00

2007-07-08T10:08:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that I left this out of my top ten list. So I'm going to add an eleventh:

11. Reading The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafón.

2007-07-07T10:14:00.000-05:00

I'm back in Illinois. The drive here yesterday was uneventful.

I had a good time while in Erie. I didn't do anything particularly exciting, but considering I usually do nothing, it all seemed exciting to me. I will post pictures later, even though I didn't take that many, and the ones that I did take aren't great.

Here are the top 10 highlights of my trip (in no particular order):

1. Seeing a friend, Megan, whom I haven't seen, or really talked to, in four years.
2. Holding my newest niece, Evangeline, for the first time.
3. Digging through clearance bins at the semi-annual sales at Bath and Body Works, Victoria's Secret, and Lane Bryant.
4. Seeing three movies at Tinseltown: Evan Almighty (4/5), Knocked Up (3/5), and Evening (4.5/5)
5. Eating Spicy Chicken Combos from Wendy's.
6. Eating at T.G.I.Friday's three times and Ruby Tuesday's one time.
7. Having my brother buy me a big box of antique knick-knacks and pictures at an antique junk shop.
8. Having me parents hand over the keys to their "old" minivan.
9. Laughing incessantly with my brother in various places including a movie theater, his living room, and his white Ford Escape.
10. Hearing my brother sing the German National Anthem and then changing the words to create a German Carrie Anthem.

2007-06-17T22:20:00.000-05:00

Picture this:

The plane is preparing to land in your hometown. The exceitement builds as you wait to see the people whom you love so much. Your heart is racing, and the smile won't leave your face.

This is what I was expecting.

What I wasn't expecting was that my flight from Chicago to Cleveland would be seriouslly delayed so that I would miss my flight to Erie. Yes, I was stranded in Cleveland. My father-in-law came to the rescue, but not before I heard a sob story from a an who needed $7.50 so he coul see him Grandmother (?) in a nursing home (?). Had I beleved his story, I would have gladly given him the $7.50, with some to spare. I also made a phone call to my friend Jennifer who promised to pick me up if I was still stranded on Sunday.

But Dad B finally made it. I'm not sure if I seemed happy to see him, but I know that I was relieved.

2007-06-14T21:29:00.000-05:00

Ruth Bell Graham, wife of evangelist Billy Graham, died Thursday at her home at Little Piney Cove in Montreat, North Carolina. She was 87.

She was born to missionary parents in Tsingkiang, China, in 1920, where she was raised in staunch Presbyterian piety, with daily doses of private and family devotions and being expected to memorize large portions of the Bible. Her high school years were spent in a boarding school in Pyongyang (now North Korea).

In 1940, at Wheaton College in Illinois, she met a classmate who invited her to a performance of Handel's Messiah. From that first date, the relationship between Ruth Bell and Billy Graham took off. Before they parted for the summer of 1941, Billy asked Ruth to marry him. She didn't say yes immediately, but within a few weeks, she wrote him to say that she believed their relationship was "of the Lord."

They graduated from Wheaton in June 1943 and were married on Friday, August 13. Returning from their honeymoon, Ruth fell sick, but instead of calling to cancel his preaching engagement in Ohio to stay by her bedside, Billy checked Ruth into a hospital and kept the speaking appointment, sending her a telegram and a box of candy.

So began her adjustment to her husband's intense calling to preach, which meant extended times of separation. Yet "I'd rather have Bill part-time," she often said, "than anybody else full-time."

Ruth was a student of the Bible. "She knows the Bible a lot better than I do," Billy was quick to admit. And she provided a measure of grit that complemented Billy's more diplomatic style.

When Billy warmly recalled his meeting with the president of Mexico—"He even embraced me"—Ruth quickly added, "Oh, Bill, don't be flattered. He did that to Castro, too."

Yet she never tried to place herself in the spotlight: "That's not my wad of gum."

Much of her ministry was with her 5 children, 19 grandchildren, and more than a dozen great-grandchildren. She personally selected and purchased 150 heavily wooded acres near Black Mountain, North Carolina, where she designed the "mountain primitive" house that became their home.

Ruth authored several books, including One Wintry Night, a collection of her poetry, and Prodigals and Those Who Love Them, which draw on her experience as a mother of two "spiritual wanderers" to encourage others whose loved ones strayed from the faith.

Her ministry also took other forms. After inheriting a tidy sum from her father's estate, she gave it all away, mostly to an orphanage in Mexico. She also cared for female prisoners, including Velma Barfield, a North Carolina woman who made a commitment to Christ while on death row before her execution for murder. Ruth was also a driving force in creating the Ruth and Billy Graham Children's Health Center at Memorial Mission Hospital in Asheville, North Carolina.

In 1988, thanks to Ruth's efforts, the Grahams went on a 17-day trip through China, where she was greeted as "a daughter of China" and Billy as "a man of peace." Both of them were received by Premier Li Peng.

On May 2, 1996, Billy and Ruth Graham received the Congressional Gold Medal, the highest honor Congress can bestow upon a citizen, in the Rotunda of the U.S. Capitol in Washington, D.C.

In his remarks, Senate Majority Leader Bob Dole said, "When the idea of awarding a Congressional Gold Medal to Dr. Graham was first raised, it received something rare in this building—unanimous approval. So too, did the idea of honoring Ruth Graham, Billy's remarkable partner of 53 years and a distinguished communicator of God's power and peace in her own right.

Ruth was known for being a woman of grace but also of outspoken forthrightness and wit.

When asked if she and her husband always agreed on everything, she said, "My goodness, no! If we did, there would be no need for one of us!"

When Ruth answered the phone one day, the caller asked, "Is Billy handy?" She retorted, "Not very. But he keeps trying."

In 1952, Billy briefly entertained the possibility of running for President. Ruth quickly quashed that notion by calling him to say: "I don't think the American people would vote for a divorced president, and if you leave ministry for politics, you will certainly have a divorce on your hands."

Billy once described the secret of their more than 60-year marriage: "Ruth and I are happily incompatible."

Perhaps the best assessment of her contributions, however, came from the late T. W. Wilson, a boyhood friend of Billy's who became a trusted member of his evangelistic team.

"There would have been no Billy Graham as we know him today had it not been for Ruth," he said. "They have been a great team."

2007-06-10T19:21:00.000-05:00

A week from today, I will be in Erie. (The reformed part of me wants to add: Lord willing.)

Yeah, this is a big deal to me. Sometimes it seems that my two trips to Erie is all that I really do in a year. Someone asked my mom what I am going to do while in Erie. My Mom correctly responded, "Probably the same thing she does in Illinois." I sleep on an Aerobed here; I'll sleep on an Aerobed there. I watch satellite tv here; I'll watch satellite tv there. I groom Persian cats here; I'll groom Persian cats there. The only thing that I have here that I won't have there is broadband internet. But to compensate, my parents allow me to order a better satellite tv package while I am there.

I did manage to leave the house this past week. (I left the house two weeks in a row - wow!) My father-in-law has been visiting, and part of the deal of him staying with us is that he takes us to the Longhorn Steakhouse. Not a bad deal, considering the price of the steaks. So on Friday I enjoyed a 7 ounce Flo's Fillet along with a trip to Old Navy and Target. It wasn't a bad day.

Well, I'll let you know if I make it to Erie. (Okay, Lord willing, I'll let you know if I make it to Erie.)

2007-06-03T13:55:00.000-05:00

Yep, this is what it's really like to live with a spoiled cat.

2007-05-31T22:17:00.000-05:00

My back is feeling a bit better. Let's hope that it stays that way for my semiannual pilgrimage to Van Camp Road (that would be Erie).

I actually managed to make it to my dentist appointment on Tuesday. I'm pretty sure that they would have blacklisted me if I hadn't made it to this appointment as I already had to cancel two appointments prior to this one with less than 24 hours notice. I am very happy to report that I have excellent oral health. Hey, some part of my body has to be healthy! I was pleasantly surprised that the dentist was, well, pleasant. Going to the dentist gives me a high level of anxiety. I'm not particularly afraid of drills. The problem is with my jaw. It's been giving me problems for about eight years, so opening my mouth can be uncomfortable.

My goodness this is a dull post. I guess I'm feeling a bit dull at the moment.

Hmmm...I think I just fell asleep for a moment.

Sorry people.

2007-05-20T21:41:00.000-05:00

This lovely email was in my Hotmail in box. Now I hardly ever open junk mail, but I just couldn't let this one go.

The next time I see my doctor, I think I'm going to try to convince her that she needs to subtract 20 pounds from my weight.

(I have typed and deleted additional comments several times. I was worried that my comments may be a bit too much. Those of you with a creative imagine and a sense of humor like mine will know where I was going.)

2007-05-19T16:57:00.000-05:00

The Miracle of Timing

I'm getting tired of talking about how miserable my back pain is right now, how miserable it has been this past week. I'm getting tired of talking of about how tired my body is and how my body still won't let me sleep. So I'm not going to talk about it. You'll just have to believe me without the gruesome details.

Instead, I'm going to talk about something that made me smile in the midst of piercing pain, something that I had never thought about, a prayer than God answered before the words ever formed on my lips.

But first, a little background information. Jonathan and I have decided to no longer continue to pay the mortgage on our house in Erie. I'm sure that you understand why, considering that the house in 650 miles away and that we haven't lived in it for nearly 1,000 days. So that means that our credit is going down the drain as we speak.

And you also need to know that are cars are very old and very used. I wouldn't be surprised if one of them self destructed at any moment.

So I've been thinking about how we may need a "new" (as in "new" to us, not "new" to the world) soon. But we have some obstacles to buying a new car, one being our sinking credit and the second being that even if we did get a car loan, we really don't have any money to pay for one.

And now on to the happy part.

This afternoon, I was sitting on the sofa, restless, tired, in pain, and starting to feel angry. I decided to check my email. I found a message from my Dad. He wants to buy a "new" van, and he wants to give Jonathan and I the "old" one. This message couldn't have come at a better time.

Just when I was feeling that maybe God has decided not to take care of me, I was reminded that He is. I think He said something like this to me: "Carrie, I provided this for you even though you never asked for it. So surely a prayer that has been prayed time and again will be answered."

2007-05-11T22:24:00.000-05:00

Could it really be? Will I really be seeing Damian Lewis every week on tv?

It seems so. NBC has put a new drama, starring Damian Lewis, in its fall lineup. The new show is called Life, and you can read all about it here.

But as much as I love Damian Lewis, he will never replace my beloved Gilmore Girls.

2007-05-09T22:59:00.000-05:00

Today I felt well enough to go out into the world.

After taking shower in the afternoon (yeah, I keep weird hours), I had an urge to go to Steak n Shake for dinner. When I called Jonathan to ask him if we could go, hardly a second passed before he said "yes" - he was thrilled that I was feeling well enough to leave the house, something I haven't done since Good Friday, I think.

After our lovely dinner of a chicken sandwich and burger, we went to Wal-Mart. I had great great fun wondering around the beauty section. (With coupons, I bought 30 razors for $3.76!) But my wondering didn't last long as my back started really hurting. But I didn't even really care that it was hurting as I was so thrilled that I left the confines of the house.

Ahh, the joy of simple things.

2007-05-04T22:17:00.000-05:00

With a heavy heart I announce that the series finale of Gilmore Girls will air on May 15th.

The show premiered on my 21st birthday, October 5, 2001. Watching the show has become an actual "event" for me, and I will greatly miss it.

2007-04-29T21:50:00.000-05:00

Last weekend I fell. Well, it was actually more of an ungraceful slip while doing something stupid, but the word "fall" more accurately describes the seriousness of this incident.

I thought that I was just going to have a few bruises, but a few days later, my back started hurting - really bad. It was bad enough that Jonathan had to come home early from work, something he hasn't had to do for well over a year.

I wish that I could say that it is slowly getting better a little bit every day, but it isn't. While the pain has lessened from the initial "shock", the pain has been fairly consistent the past few days.

So I am feeling a bit discouraged. And I'm already starting to worry about my trip to Erie in mid June.

But I have been enjoying my new "toy" this week - a green ZEN Vision:M (a very nice gift from Jonathan). It's a fancy "music player" that also plays videos - so I can watch Gilmore Girls while reclining in bed or I can hook it up to the tv and watch it on a "big" screen. It's been a very nice distraction from my pain.

2007-04-23T01:09:00.000-05:00

Oh, how I hate when this happens.

I haven't been feeling well since Friday. Okay, that's nothing new, but I've been feeling worse that usual. I'm not exactly on my deathbed (although one never knows), but I just feel achy and restless. I want to sleep, but I can't. I want to do something useful, but I can't. I did manage to fall asleep, but then Jonathan came to bed. And even though he was as quiet as can be, I still woke up, with no hope for a quick-fall-back-to-sleep.

So here I am chatting with you, albeit the conversation is rather one sided.

Well, since it is after midnight, I can do something useful. I can wish my niece, Lily, a happy birthday. She is four years old today, and a big sister to a little brother, Malachi, and a little sister (you've already read about her in my previous bloggings. I guess what makes her special (although all my nieces and nephews are special) is that she was born just months before my mother-in-law died. A week before she died, the family congregated in New Jersey for a wedding. At the reception, I remember making multiple trips to the bathroom (as I always do), and there she was holding a fussing little baby girl. On one particular potty break, I stopped as I was opening the door to leave and turned around. I said something, but I have no idea what is was. But I do remember her face beaming as she was holding her newest grandchild.

So happy birthday Lily. And please know, that even though you can't remember your Grandma B, she loved you very much.

2007-04-13T12:16:00.000-05:00

Well, my obsession for Damian Lewis has cooled a bit since Jonathan Rhys Meyers has taken on the role of Henry VIII in The Tudors. I have proclaimed him my second favorite actor after Damian Lewis.

There are quite a few similarities between the two actors. (I was tempted to use the word "hotties", but chose not to.) Damian Lewis is British, born in London, and (Holly will like this) Jonathan Rhys Meyers is Irish, born in Dublin. I think that it is quite interesting that a British actor (Lewis) was chosen to play a WWII Major from Hershey, Pennsylvania and that an Irish actor (Meyers) was chosen to play Elvis for a tv miniseries. Lewis flawlessly played an English gentleman (in The Forsyte Saga) and an American soldier (in Band of Brothers, of course). Meyers impeccably impersonated Elvis and became Henry VIII. I truly think that is some good acting.

However, my interest in Damian Lewis will peak again as he is set to be in a NBC cop drama this fall.

2007-04-04T20:06:00.000-05:00

Yes, I did receive my Ipod shuffle that I won a month or so ago. And, of course, I promptly sold it because I want to buy a Zen.

Well, you came here to find out about me, but all I do is post pictures of my "newest" niece, Evangeline. I can't help it. I think that she is the cutest baby that I have ever seen. Oh, I can't wait to meet her! She'll probably start screaming as soon as she sees me.

2007-03-17T05:13:00.000-06:00

As a mother, do you have the tendency to feel used? (In these pictures, the rain just started, and the babies used mama as a human umbrella. Thanks, flickr.com, for such great pictures.)

2007-03-15T23:07:00.000-06:00

Well, today was Jonathan's birthday. And because my parents were here, we could actually have a birthday party for him. Since you all couldn't be here to share in the joy (the party was held at Samaritan Ministries, by the way - I'm not crazy enough to have a party here), I thought that I'd share some photos with you.

And the pictures are (going top to bottom, left to right, or something like that, you can figure it out):

1.Jonathan and his favorite niece with the last name of Ben-Ezra, Arianna.

2.Nephew Issac

3.Nephew Justice

4.An attempt to take a picture of all the Ben-Ezra nephews and nieces

5.Jonathan and Arianna

6.Nephew Noah

7.Jonathan and I

8.Jonathan and his "little buddy" Rob whom he carpools to work with almost everyday and whom he plays racquetball with.

9.Barb and Rod Lange who stayed after to help clean the mess and keep me calm. THANK YOU!

10.Jonathan blowing out his birthday candle. We actually had ice cream sundaes, but because of my darn lactose intolerance, the cake was actually for me.

11.Miracle and Dwayne Carr - they are expecting their first baby boy! (I only pretended to rub her belly.)

12.Mom, Arianna, and Jonathan

13.Jonathan and Dad

14.Me looking hot.

15.Jonathan and Arianna

2007-02-27T14:14:00.000-06:00

For twenty-two minutes, I did something that I shouldn't have.

No, there's no reason to pray for my soul. (Well, there's always reason for that.)

But for twenty-two minutes, I did "housework".

Umm, wow, Carrie. You want a medal or something?

No. But a morphine-valium cocktail would be appropriate.

Even though my back is hurting and my nose won't stop running, I made the bed and hung up some clothes out of sheer boredom. Not to mention that I made two meatloaves this morning.

Now most people won't understand this. People know that (or at least I'm assuming that they know) I'm always in pain, but they have no idea what this means.

This past summer, after staying with my parents for two weeks, I had to pack up my stuff and move to my brother's house for a couple of days. Jonathan wasn't in Erie yet. My family had a hard time grasping that there are so many things that I can't do for myself. My sister didn't understand my blank stare when she said, "Just put your suitcase by the door, and I'll take it out to the car."

Umm, I can't move a suitcase.

Nor can I (except on a full moon during a leap year) vacuum, do the laundry, empty the litter box, go grocery shopping....you get the picture.

Before I do anything, I have to pull out some economics and do a cost benefit analysis. (Ahh, my college education at work.) Really, what is the value of made bed to me? Nothing, considering it won't stay made for more than a few hours and I won't be able to move for several days after making it.

But today, I was so bored, and I so wanted to do something normal. So I made the bed. The cats enjoyed this so very much. They watched my every move and jumped up on the bed every time I was ready to smooth the sheets. Merlin even found a phantom mouse under the comforter.

And now I've rambled on far too long about something that most people won't understand. Jonathan will understand (and he will very much enjoy getting his clothes out of a closet instead of a laundry basket tomorrow morning). And probably my parents will understand.

But, you, unidentified person, will you understand?

2007-02-26T18:30:00.000-06:00

I wanted to share this picture. That's my sister Valarie on "Babe" with Grandma by her side. Grandma was working in the kitchen at WLD Ranch and, yes, she let Valarie ride into the building!

2007-02-17T01:59:00.000-06:00

I've been keeping the oddest hours lately.

I don't go to bed until around four in the morning. (I woke up at 4:50AM when I was in high school - there's no way that I could do that now!)

So what do I do in the wee hours of the morning? I surf the internet while watching tv. Sometimes the tv is in the background; sometimes the internet is in the background.

I just finished watching an episode of House Hunters on HGTV (the home and garden channel). A family was "shopping" for a vacation home in Costa Rica. One of the houses actually made me drool. The house looked more like a swanky hotel than a house. Nearly 3,000 square feet of beauty on beach front property. (Of course there's a pool with a waterfall.) What turned my drool into a surprised gasp was the price. All this luxury for only $250,000! Why, there's a possibility that sometime in my life I could actually buy that house! (Not really, but maybe - anything can happen.)

Well, I just googled "Costa Rica per capita income" - 4,700 US dollars. So I guess that the locals don't live in houses like this one. I wonder how much they hate the rich Americans?

2007-02-16T19:25:00.000-06:00

Here are some pictures of my new niece, Evangeline. (I stole them from her mommy's blog.)

2007-02-15T23:58:00.000-06:00

When I opened my email tonight, I found a surprise. It appears that I've won an iPod Shuffle from OK! Magazine. I'm 95%-99% sure that this is legitimate. A few months ago, I signed up to answer surveys via email, and I have been faithfully completing them every week. When I signed up, I was promised the chance to win great prizes. And an iPod shuffle seems like a pretty great prize, especially compared to the chip 'n' dip set that my mother was won.

I'll keep you posted on how this turns out.

Other prizes that I have won:

New Kids on the Block t-shirt and CD
$100 American Express Traveler's Cheque
$25 deposit in my PayPal account

2007-02-14T19:45:00.000-06:00

I am very happy to announce that my fifth niece was born early this morning. Evangeline Felicity (isn't that a great name!), weighing 7 pounds 10 ounces, was born at 2:32 AM.

2007-01-25T16:34:00.000-06:00

The Future Jonathan and Carrie Ben-Ezra

Thank you, Rob, for this troubling look into the future. This picture proves that ignorance (at least of the future) really is bliss.

2007-01-23T22:53:00.000-06:00

Awwww...Merlin looks like a little fuzzy person. He likes to sit in Jonathan's chair and watch tv.

2007-01-23T11:04:00.000-06:00

I've Still Got a Friend In Pennsylvania!
(Remember those cheesy license plates?)

Jennifer with Teddy and Sugar

Jennifer with Mickey

2007-01-23T10:45:00.000-06:00

Some Before Christmas Photos

2007-01-22T13:23:00.000-06:00

Perhaps the cutest thing that you'll ever see....at least today.

This is my niece Lily singing the ABC song. I wonder what happened to the "n"?

2007-01-22T13:17:00.000-06:00

I dare you to watch this video and not smile!

The little princess is my niece Amy, the...uh...fairy is my cousin Aaron, and the belly laugh at the end is from my brother Mark.

2007-01-20T03:07:00.000-06:00

A Lesson Learned

Don't watch a show on the History International Channel at 2AM about cannibalism. (Although, it was a very interesting program.)

2007-01-18T12:36:00.000-06:00

Coming Full Circle

Have I been walking in place for the past few years?

Here I am, listening to the same music (Vigilantes of Love - stop laughing Jonathan - you have some "choice" CDs in your collection) that I listened to eleven (big gulp) years ago. Jonathan and I are seriously considering joining a church that is so much like the church that I called home for my first twenty years. And when it comes to treatment of my back, it's really as if time has stood still. In the two years since I've moved to Illinois, I've seen six doctors. The sixth doctor has finally given me some relief - with the same medication that my doctor in Erie prescribed for me. Same dosage and everything.

But, of course, things really aren't the same.

Instead of listening to the CD on a CD player in my room in my parent's house, I'm sitting in a room in my own house with the music coming out of speakers hooked up to a computer. My (maybe almost) church isn't in a small town in Western Pennsylvania. It's in a bigger town in Central Illinois. There's isn't a pastor named Ed, and, as far as I know, there's never been a pastor named Marvin. And my prescriptions are written in different handwriting, by a woman, not a man. And, here, the pills that used to be white and pink are white and orange.

Is this what growing up is? Do we keep repeating the past, only in different places, with different people, with a bit more wisdom?

Alone a man and woman stand, searching for each other. They find each other, and soon their quiet house becomes the walking ground for little feet. But in the blink of an eye, the house becomes quiet again. And so often, one of them finds himself alone again.

The sun sets on a bad day, and with the rising of the sun in the morning, we are given a chance to try again. But we never really get it right, do we? The wisdom that we have today that we didn't have yesterday is never enough. We always pray for more.

Can we truly understand the purpose of a journey until the destination is reached? Someday I will reach my destination. All of my fumbling as I try to get things right will be forgotten. The sun will rise, but it will never set. There will be no need for night, where I cry out for wisdom, hoping for a better day. No, there will be no need to ask for wisdom, for I will be at wisdom's feet. Yes, everything will start again, but there won't be any need for a repeat. For the first time, I'll get everything right. And I really will have come full circle.

2007-01-04T09:43:00.000-06:00

Dearly beloved, we gather here today to say goodbye to our friend Computer. She has carried us through painful times when all we needed was a friend to shop with. She never complained when we asked her order prescription refills from Walgreens at 3AM. She stood by silently as we wrote silly rantings on our blogs. And she never felt overshadowed when we used her to communicate with our loved ones so far away.

She deserved better than this world. But we have hope because of our faith in Technology that her next world will be a better one. So goodbye, Computer.

(And oh yeah, I won't be able to post any more Christmas pictures until our new computer (a "he" by the way) is up and running and until Jonathan allows me to touch it long enough to transfer my photos from my camera again.)

2006-12-30T01:25:00.000-06:00

I know that you (my fans) are anxiously waiting to see pictures from my Christmas Vacation. So here are just a sampling - the best of the best - a taste of what is to come.

2006-12-13T21:27:00.000-06:00

I give my fans what they want: an update on my trip to Erie.

Yep. I made it to Erie okay. My flight from Cleveland to Erie was...interesting. (My flight from Chicago to Cleveland was uneventful.) The plane was tiny - like twenty seats. There wasn't a bathroom, a flight attendant, or even a cockpit door (I didn't think that those were optional). I was in seat 1A and pretty much saw what the pilots saw. I thought that we were going down with each little gust of wind. Thankfully the flight was only forty minutes.

Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday passed quickly. I recovered from the scary flight and "helped" my mom make chocolate chip pumpkin pie bread.

Today mom and I went shopping. I finished up my Christmas shopping and took advantage of a bunch of free offers. For free, I came home with:

(2) Bath and Body Works lip glosses
(2) Victoria's Secret mini perfumes
and one (almost) free pair of underwear from Lane Bryant

I also got my hair cut - short. I'm still trying to decide if it looks lopsided.

I'm trying to deal with my parents' dial up internet - it's not easy. The satellite tv helps ease some of the pain.

2006-12-08T16:36:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow, I am flying away.

I have to say that up until now I was kinda dreading it. My back has been particularly disagreeable lately. The idea of moving my body from my warm bed was not an appealing one. I kept thinking to myself, "This is not something that I should be dreading." I'm only twenty-seven years old! The only time that I see my seventy year old parents CAN'T be when they come here to visit.

But now I am filled with excitement. I went to see Dr. Dora this afternoon. I guess a lot of people might not understand this, but she sat down next to me, looked me in the eye, and asked what she needed to do to make me comfortable. While most doctors take on the role of a god, she took on the role of a servant - a truly amazing thing. I am so thankful that God led me to her.

So, yep, she prescribed lots of pills. So many pills, in fact, that she had to write a note for me to carry when I go through airport security.

So tomorrow at 2:30, I'll be flying away from here to go to the place that will always be home.

2006-12-02T22:19:00.000-06:00

So I haven't scrapbooked anything since I moved here. I guess that's mostly because of my back. But I got a digital camera for my birthday, and now I've discovered digital scrapbooking! Now I know that my creations aren't great (just like the construction of these sentences - I have a cold - leave me alone), but I thought that I would share them anyway.

2006-12-01T10:43:00.000-06:00

SNOW DAY!

The city is almost completely shut down here! Yes, even Samaritan Ministries is closed today. I was watching the crawl on the bottom of a local channel that listed all the closings and cancellations. It appears that even God is closed today as "Christian Center - Closed".

Of course for us Erie natives, it seems like just a typical winter day. There were many days that I drove to Edinboro U (which is in the snow belt for those of you who don't know) on days much worse than today. Okay, I'll admit that I did have some assistance from my retired father even after I was married and lived in the city. (That's love.)

I think the problem here in Central Illinois is that "they" haven't discovered these things called snow plows yet. Really, if IDOT would just plow and salt, we could go on with our lives today. I was supposed to have a doctor's appointment today, but now I won't be able to see the doctor before I leave for Erie. (When I called to see if the doctors made it in, the woman scoffed.)

But there can be tornadoes, and nobody cares. Go figure.

2006-11-25T22:48:00.000-06:00

Aren't I lovely?

Some outtakes.

I just love my new digital camera!

2006-11-22T15:49:00.000-06:00

Nine years ago today I got my driver's license. Gosh, life was a lot simpler then.

2006-11-22T15:25:00.000-06:00

Fo me it is officially the Christmas season. On Monday, as I was waiting for the furnace repair man to come (and he didn't come-almost four days without heat-but that's another blog post), I watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. So for me, Christmas is here. But I still put one sock on at a time.

2006-11-06T23:57:00.000-06:00

So you probably think that because Jonathan and I have two bathrooms in our house that we'd never have to wait our turn.

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

You are forgetting that we have four fuzzy children.

Um, Carrie, don't the cats have a litter box?

Yes, they do. They have two of them to be exact - one on each floor.

One fo Percy's favorite sleeping spots (he has three of them) is in the bathroom. And not just in the bathroom. No, no. He likes to sleep right in front of the toilet.

So even if my bladder is ready to burst, I trek downstairs to the bathroom there.

Uh, Carrie, why don't you just move him?

Well, he was there first and that would just be rude. And I don't like to wake my sleeping babies.

2006-11-04T01:52:00.000-06:00

I discovered an interesting website, Christian Cinema, that offers "Christian Movies From People Who Make Them".

I didn't even know that most of these movies existed - definitely a site to check out.

2006-11-04T01:34:00.000-06:00

November is Adopt an Unfunny Christian Month!

"Unfunny Christian Syndrome is no laughing matter – it is a disease that affects millions of Christians everyday. Think about it; we all know a Christian or two who needlessly suffers as what can best be described as and underdeveloped funny bone. Symptoms of Unfunny Christian Syndrome include no noticeable laugh lines, sides that never split, a milk-free nose and, worst of all, peeless pants – heartbreaking. Fortunately, there’s hope for the mirthless."

Who are you going to adopt? Jonathan and I have decided to adopt our dear friend, boss, and landlord James.

Thank you, Rob, for creating a new version of the above referenced website.

Une note très importante: If I really thought that James was an "Unfunny Christian", there is no way I would have posted this. He does look a little grumpy in this picture, but I know that he is all smiles since his baby girl was born this morning, November 6th.

Une plus de chose: Jonathan and Rob are in no way affiliated with this blog. All hate mail should be directed to me.

2006-11-03T17:12:00.000-06:00

One of Grandpa's favorite songs to sing....I doubt that this is a song that they sing in Heaven.

Jonathan found this. The video is actually from a video game, but it's the song that I want you to listen to. Before, I had only heard Grandpa sing it. I think I like Grandpa's version better.

2006-11-02T23:12:00.000-06:00

Today I talked to my cousin, Holly, for forty-one minutes.

Um, Carrie, why do you think that this requires a blog post?

Well, because she is thousands of miles away in Maynooth, Ireland. I also need to note , because of the frugalness of my only partially Gentile husband, that it only cost six cents a minute! And, get this: she sounded like she was next door! (According to my Aunt Joann, Holly also sounded like she was next door when she was Austria. I'll have to take her word on that one.)

I would love to visit her. Then she really could be just next door. And then I could tell you for sure what "next door" sounds like. More importantly, I might actually have a chance to meet Damian Lewis if I talked Holly into taking a ferry to England. (I'm sure it wouldn't be a hard sell!)

Unfortunately, there are the issues of my back and money. Enough drugs can help take care of the back, but I don't have a solution for the money. Unless someone sends me the money....

2006-11-01T21:10:00.000-06:00

I have to admit that this post was entirely inspired by a post on my sister-in-law's blog. I started to leave a comment, but as my comment turned into several paragraphs, I thought that I should create a post of my own.

I only know my mother-in-law (Mom B) for five years. I remember the first time that I met her. I remember the last time that I saw her.

I first met her on the beach at Presque Isle in the summer. I was terrified. She was sitting on a picnic table with Dad B. She was wearing a funky (crazy) hat. I wasn't sure if the hat should make me feel more at ease or more worried. I told her that I was going to Edinboro University in the fall. She asked me if I was going to live in the dorms. I told her no. She said, "Smart girl".

The last time I saw her was at Aunt Sue's wedding reception in New Jersey. I distinctly remember being very annoyed at the big deal she was making of saying good bye to everyone - even the people she lived only a few miles from. I remember thinking that we are both taking to same route home. It's not like we're never going to see each other again. But that was, indeed, the last time that I talked to her.

I guess that was the beginning of regrets for me. It never occurred to me that she might die. Even as we got into the car to drive to the hospital, death wasn't on my mind. "Don't worry. She's a tough cookie," I said to Jonathan as we pulled out of our driveway. I regret not having a closer bond with her. She was going to help me prune the roses in the fall. She was going to share her wisdom of bulbs and plants with me. She was going to show me how to sew more than just a button. In my mind, she was going to do a lot of things.

Not long after she died, I had a dream that she gave me a call from heaven. This seemed perfectly normal in the dream, and we just talked about normal every day stuff - the kind of conversation I wish I had more of when she was still here.

I worry that I am going to forget things about her - her voice, the texture of the skin on her face, her bare feet. The way she'd almost whisper when she'd answer the phone but shake the walls when she talked to you in person. The way she'd clear her throat when she was talking.

I'm sad because she never met Percy and Morgan. And then I think about how her flesh and blood feel about their flesh and blood that entered the world after she left the world.

She was one of the few people who understood my urge to strangle people who said, "Oh, I know how you are feeling. My back was a little stiff this morning too." A little stiffness in our back or neck (in her case) was what we prayed for.

I guess that by now you've figured out that I miss her.

I have no idea what Heaven is like. I can never know until I get there. But I think that it is okay for me to make assumptions about Heaven as long as I realize that the Truth will be much greater than I can imagine. And so in my mind she is chatting up a storm with my Grandfather, and he is able to hear and understand every word, without a hearing aid.