So this is what I wrote in my journal this morning, the morning of my thirtieth birthday. It's pretty much word-for-word, I've just cleaned up some of the grammar. So I guess that you get a peek into my head today.

Today is my 30th birthday.

There is so much I could say about what happened/is happening in my life right now, but I won't [say those things]. Maybe I was hoping that I would wake up today, after three decades on this planet, and my back would be healed. Instead, it's worse than it has been. Yet, I have been here for thirty years, something that doesn't happen to everyone, like my Uncle [Wayne who died when he wasn't even 21 yet]. No, my story isn't done yet. No one knows what God has planned for them tomorrow, but I just have a feeling that I'm going to be around for awhile [more].

I remember a story I heard about Rich Mullins [a famous Christian singer-songwriter-musician] after his death. (He died in a Peoria, Illinois hospital, by the way.) He was talking to his sister (I think) on the phone and said something to the effect that he really wanted to go h(H)ome or that he felt that is was time that he went h(H)ome. She replied that he was almost done with his tour and that he would be home soon - what was he talking about? It wasn't until his accident on I-74 that she understood. [I certainly don't believe that] his call was a "suicide note"..., just a knowing that God put in his heart, just as I have a knowing that I will be around for awhile more.